LOS ANGELES (Zap2it.com) Here are my favorite television quotes from 2003:
"There are two things you need to know. First: I was so in love with you it nearly killed me. Second: I don't regret moving on with my life," Vaughn to Sydney on "Alias."
"I miss her. Why didn't she love me?" Dean to Luke about Rory on "Gilmore Girls."
"She will come for me." Spike to The First on "Buffy."
"Ah, romantic love. I'm proud of that. Some of my best work." God to Joan on "Joan of Arcadia."
"I don't think Ryan's love for Trista has to be tested by a girl in a catsuit," Ryan's friend after strippers hit on Ryan on "Trista and Ryan's Wedding."
"I think I'd be a good father. I'm very free with love." Steven on "Real World: Las Vegas."
"Are you in love with Josh?" Amy to Donna on "The West Wing."
"Sara, I don't know what to do about this." Grissom after Sara asks him out to dinner on "CSI."
"I love me most. Look, if I could run across the beach into my own arms, I would." Jackie on "That '70s Show."
"I'm not falling in love anymore. I'm submersed in it." Ryan on The Bachelorette."
"I would love to be able to share my life with both of them," Trista before choosing Ryan on "The Bachelorette."
"There's no way that I'm going to allow this pink, flowery, girlie, little strawberry shortcake wedding," Ryan on "Trista and Ryan's Wedding."
"Together we're unstoppable. Divided people get shot." Ryan and Seth lamenting what happened when they spent the night apart on "The O.C."
"Michael Vaughn is just a boy who was never good enough for you." Jack to Sydney on "Alias."
"When we get to St. Bart's, I'm buying myself an e.p.t. and so help me if that stick is blue, I am not going through this alone. Not again." Jack after he and Will spent the night in the same bed on "Will & Grace."
"I don't eat buffalo," Jessica Simpson when she's offered a buffalo wing on "Newlyweds."
"I always wanted to be the father of a tiny gay sailor," Dr. Cox reacting to his infant son's outfit on "Scrubs."
"I'm just the character in the movie that tells it like it is. I'm Janeane Garofalo." Mike on "Ed."
"Let's face it, Lana. Clark has more issues than Rolling Stone," Chloe on "Smallville."
"At 21, she's older and wiser, and we promise, she won't be tangling with any cougars this year." An excerpt from the letter the executive producers of "24" sent to the press about Kim.
"She's been married for three months. She probably still shaves her legs," Debra about Amy on "Everybody Loves Raymond."
"For those of you who don't know, Kabbalah is an ancient form of publicity invented by Madonna," Tina Fey on "Saturday Night Live."
"I know we just met. But as a gay man, I'm oddly drawn to you." Jack to Liz (Madonna) on "Will & Grace."
"She's got a case of the Madonnas," Carrie when Samantha suddenly sports a British accent on "Sex and the City."
"Dad those eyebrows are out of control," Seth to Sandy on "The O.C."
"Did anyone tell me to pluck my eyebrows in the beginning?" Shannen Doherty lamenting her early look on "Beverly Hills, 90210: 10-Year High School Reunion."
"It's just going be another one of those days." President Palmer to his girlfriend on "24."
"I want that bitch dead." Dixon to Sydney about Evil Francie on "Alias."
"Why do you think I let him out? You stupid bitch." Cordelia to Lilah on "Angel."
"People sure do punch each other a lot in Orange County," Ed after watching "The O.C." on "Ed."
"Cool. There'd be funny sitcoms there," Lorelai's thoughts on an alternate universe, where everything is the opposite as it is here on "Gilmore Girls."
"Lorraine's from England so if you really wanted to hurt her, you could hold her down and make her watch the American version of anything British," Jack to Karen on "Will & Grace."
"I guess you can say I've always been a bit more Screech than Zack." Mark on "Ed."
"You should get a spot in Bel Air," Neesee to Jonny (Will Smith) on "All of Us."
"Does this mean they'll never cancel the Jim Belushi show?" Homer when learns he's created a world without death on "The Simpsons."
"If I gave a performance that good, I'd have my own 'Alias' type show." Tobias to Lindsay when they go to couple's counseling on "Arrested Development."
"Take a hike Pacey." Van to the guy hitting on the young woman on "Fastlane."
"Oh, I've seen this on TV. It means I get to come back next week." Amy to Stuart when he gives her a rose on "Judging Amy."
"We had like what two dates? I spent more time on hold trying to vote for 'American Idol.'" Will to Grace about Barry on "Will & Grace."
"The former sheriff may have looked the other way on these matters. But I'm here to tell you those good 'ole boy days are over." The Sheriff to Jonathan Kent on "Smallville."
"Closure is important. Like you know I didn't watch 'Dawson's Creek' this season and now all the sudden it's gone. And, I never got a chance to say goodbye." Jack comparing his loss to Karen's on "Will & Grace."
"Are you just going to come here and go all Dawson on me every time I have a boyfriend?" Buffy to Angel on the series finale of "Buffy."
"If I go there it's going to look like I went there just to be with him. Suddenly I'm Felicity without the hair issues and I'm not terribly comfortable with that." Paris on why she doesn't want to follow her boyfriend to Princeton on "Gilmore Girls."
"I'm not talking about pulling a Sherry." Wayne to President Palmer on "24."
"You stud." John to Andy after learning that Connie was pregnant on "NYPD Blue."
"Congratulations on the successful commingling of your genetic material." Lilith to Niles and Daphne on "Frasier."
"I cannot believe that." Rupert to Jeff Probst after he's voted off "Survivor."
"I don't understand." Frank response when he finds out Amy's family doesn't own a TV on "Everybody Loves Raymond."
"You don't own a TV? What's all your furniture pointed at?" Joey on "Friends."
"I wanted to be the most hated Survivor of all time." Jon during the reunion of "Survivor: Pearl Islands."
"Yeah, one tried to psychically impale me with farm implements and the other just wanted my body heat. Thanks for the memories." Chloe on her bad luck with boyfriends on "Smallville."
"Charlie, you screen like an Olympic drug tester." Charlie's mom about his phone screening techniques on "Two and a Half Men."
"Last time I was on a date Bush was President and we were about to go to war with Iraq." Karen on "Will & Grace."
"I feel so rich and suddenly in complete agreement with everything Bush has to say." Lorelai on "Gilmore Girls" after receiving a check for $75,000.
"Reza, you really are very sweet." Marie before shooting her fianci on "24."
"It's beautiful, but my parents will kill me if I marry a black guy." J.D. to Turk, when he sees Turk's engagement ring on "Scrubs."
"She actually thinks we're going to Brooklyn? I'm not leaving the state for brunch." Jack rejecting Grace's brunch invitation on "Will & Grace."
"I'm starting to believe Mo done left the town." Randy Jackson lamenting the lack of talent in Detroit on "American Idol."
"I smell something burning. Oh, it's my career." Michael Boatman when he was forced to do the hula dance in a coconut bra on "Celebrity Mole."
"Buffy." Angel's uttering when he realized his soul was being taken from him on "Angel."
"It's heavy. It must be her hopes and dreams for me." Lorelai about the box of books her mother sent her on "Gilmore Girls."
"Doing your mom and trying to kill your dad. Hmmm ... there should be a play." Angelus to Connor on "Angel."
"I'm gonna make sure those freakin' evil step sisters of mine don't win the million dollars." Christy after getting voted off on "Survivor: The Amazon."
"Welcome to the family ... lots of luck." Debra toasting Amy at her bridal shower on "Everybody Loves Raymond."
"There's no way women are going to beat us in anything. Physically, mentally, whatever. We're never gonna go to tribal council," Daniel before losing his first immunity challenger to an all-women team on "Survivor: The Amazon."
"If you're a guy, and you can't hook up on the Challenge, you basically need to donate your penis to charity." Theo about the "Real World/Road Rules Challenges" on "19 Degrees of Reality Hook-Ups."
"If you have to call me a name, I prefer The Divorcer. It's just cooler." Ross to Phoebe on "Friends."
"I dropped him off at Hooters. He insisted." Andy to Connie after Theo saw Connie naked on "NYPD Blue."
"I didn't know Jesus had a vested interest in 'Survivor.'" Rob about Joanna's claims that "Jesus love Jaburu" on "Survivor: The Amazon."
"You're sort of looking better each week as well," Simon on "American Idol" to Clay Aiken.
"Just like riding a biker." Faith describing how easy it was to slay vampires again on "Angel."
"You're preaching to the guy who ate the choir." Angel to evil Cordy on "Angel."
"If we end up sharing a cell in federal prison, I'm not giving you a drawer." Weiss to Vaughn on "Alias."
"My strongest assets to this group are my athletic ability and my intelligence." Heidi on "Survivor: The Amazon."
"I'm like the mastermind behind half of the plans that go here day-to-day." Heidi during her final "Survivor: The Amazon" tribal council.
"Who's Connor?" Fred in the season finale of "Angel."
"Every Wednesday at eight, you enter this supernatural portal of teen angst." Joey's boyfriend lamenting her love for a little show called "The Creek" on the series finale of "Dawson's Creek."
"Believe me, every friend we've ever had in this house has something wrong with them." Ruthie on "7th Heaven."
"But I am home." Ephram on the season finale of "Everwood."
"It's like this ... either fire me of get out of my chair." Tony to his boss on "24."
"I use to be a highly respected watcher, and now I'm a wounded dwarf with the mystical strength of a doily." Giles while playing Dungeons and Dragons on "Buffy."
"You do have an oven, you know. We can reheat." Vaughn to Sydney on "Alias."
"I need a Ritalin smoothie so I can concentrate on this disaster." Carson discovering "straight guy" Tom's closet on "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."
"You're suffering from post-it traumatic stress syndrome." Samantha to Carrie, after Berger breaks up with her via a post-it, on "Sex and the City."
"Basically, to him age doesn't matter and to her size doesn't matter," Brittany Murphy about Demi and Ashton on "Late Night with David Letterman."
"I think the last episode is you, me, and Matt saying, 'All the talented people are in Hollywood,'" Chris Moore to Ben Affleck on "Project Greenlight 2."
"Is there, like, maids for, like, celebrities," Jessica Simpson to a friend on "Newlyweds."
"You just got your butt kicked and you didn't even fight back. Dude, you really are a Cohen," Seth to Ryan on "The. O.C."
"We try to keep our business out of our personal lives," Nick on "Newlyweds."
"It's the fortieth anniversary of Marin Luther King's 'I Have a Dream' speech. Isn't it nice to see his dream has come true." Chris Rock on the MTV's "Video Music Awards" after 50 Cent and Snoop Dogg performed the song "P.I.M.P."
"I don't know Russell Crowe, he just doesn't do anything for me. People say he's good looking but I don't see it." Marissa to Ryan on "The O.C."Thanks to everyone who sent in their nominations. Didn't see your favorite quote? Talk about your favorite quotes of 2003 on the TV Gal message boards.That's all for today. If I were you, I'd watch "The Apprentice" (Thursday, NBC, 8:30 p.m.) and skip "The Surreal Life" (Sunday at 9 p.m. on the WB). Next week we'll return to our regularly scheduled column with familiar faces, quotes of the week and all the spoilers that are fit to print (a little hint from me to you -- look for familiar faces on "24" and "Alias" this week.). Also, I'll have a look at the new episodes of "Monk," thoughts on "Sex and the City," and much, much more.Have question, seen a familiar face, have an inside scoop or want to nominate a quote of the week? Write me at amytvgal@zap2it.com by clicking on my byline at the top of my column.
